January 19, 1998 • Part II • Abortion

Dear,

T told me a few weeks ago that she was pregnant and was all happy but sad.

Then she told me last week that she was going to have an abortion and her mom was going to bring her and the father supported her because she just doesn't feel she can take care of a baby when she can barely take care of herself. Those were her exact words.

Then she called me up tonight and was crying and upset because her mother had called her up and said she didn't want to be her mother anymore and won't bring her to the abortion clinic (which she was supposed to go to tomorrow) and she says the mother has to be there and then she had to hang up.

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... my mom thinks T is a slut

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I haven't told my mother about it because T asked me not to in the beginning and because my mom thinks T is a slut. She came right out and told me when I asked her during the summer after the drive-in that I described a few pages back. I'm afraid to tell mom because she is so biased and dad keeps saying he loves T but I have no idea how he would react.

T hasn't told her dad yet because she is afraid and her grandma that she's living with now, the mother of her dad, says she won't take her to the abortion clinic unless she tells her dad and her aunt said the same thing.

I think she should talk to her mom's mom because T's mom had her at 17.

Grownup Ann says,

T followed through with the abortion and her life continued on the stereotypical path you would expect.

January 19, 1998 • Part I • Singing

Dear,

I like Jay a lot. I asked him a few months ago to play piano for me in the variety show while I sang "Nobody Does It Better". He said yes and we practiced and I went to his house a few times to practice.

During the practice one night I asked him if he would go to the winter ball with me and he said he would think about it. I asked again later and he says he wants to go by himself and I understand because if you go with someone then you have to stay with them all night etc.

I told him I was going to go with a blind date then and he said if it was really bad he would cut in or something.

We did the variety show and it wasn't perfect but good even though my mic wasn't on.

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I really want a boyfriend but I guess I will settle for a friend.

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After the variety show a few days I called him and asked if he would go see Titanic with me and he said he had to ask because there would be a teenage driver but before he knew there was going to be a teenage driver he said, "I guess" He couldn't go with the teenage driver because his parents won't let him until he has his license and so he said he should get it in a few weeks and then we would go. I still have to bring him back the dress his mother lent me and mom says I should go over there to record the piano and me for grandma. I'm not sure if he likes me and the signs say "not as a girlfriend" I really want a boyfriend but I guess I will settle for a friend.

I went to see Titanic with Jess and Ruby. That is the saddest and best movie I have ever seen!

A few weeks before that I went to see "Tomorrow Never Dies" with Jess but we were going to see Titanic but it had already started and hour and a half ago. I love going out with just the girls.

Grownup Ann says,

I was interested in Jay because he appeared an easy target, not because I was really attracted to him.

January 19, 1998 • Dreams of firehydrants and a boy

Dream I had a few nights ago: Friday night.

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I was out with Jay somewhere and we were running around in the back of a building pulling up fire hydrants.

I pulled up a big red one and with it came the big roots of a tree and the water fountaining up.

We ran to (somewhere) and then we are on a bus and he is sitting next to me and other people are on the other side of me and I put my arms on his shoulders and around his neck and back and he moves to my lap and I run my hands along his chest all slow and easy... Awake.

Grownup Ann says,

What is with me putting boys on my lap?

July 14, 1997 • Witty

Lines for a book

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Man: So, you been thinking about me.

Woman: How conceited of you! (pause) Yes...

Grownup Ann says,

At least I entertained myself.

July 13, 1997 • Part II • At the Drive-in

Continued from last week...

After a while Rich began to lean into my hands and move with the massage and exploration my hands were doing. (He has a dent in the middle of his chest) It made me feel VERY good that he was responding to my hands.

He had to get up for some reason and when he sat back down on my knees, he sat right on ME as in my most sensitive part. I HAD to move him. I grabbed him by the waist and repositioned him because he was interested in Jess and if he wasn't going to do anything with me he could NOT sit there! Actually, that is just what I told everyone else. He had a boney butt and so I had to move him and he moved and sat right on ME. I wasn't going to make him move off ME. He wasn't doing anything else with me so he could sit there just to be doing something with me.

Jess ended up getting up from resting between Rich's and my feet and against my knees. When she went to sit back down, I guess she thought my knee was too boney because she BIT IT!

Well, my reaction was to lean forward, right into Rich's warm back, and slip my hand under Rich's to reach Jess's head. That was a NICE position. I kept my hand out there and Jess kept biting me so I messed with her hair and everything and she took my hands and put them, tried to, right on Rich's crotch.

Then Rich decided to show me the motions and started moving my hand up and down in the air so I would know what to do. Then he took my hands, remember I can't see any of this, and put them right on his boobs (chest) and started making sounds. I kept my hands there for a while and then moved them lower to his stomach area.

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It made me feel good to make him feel good.

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Jess again commented on my "loud rubbing" and so I asked her if she would rather I quieted it down and put my hands under his clothing so she wouldn't hear anything.

Jess said something to the positive effect so Rich leaned over my knee so I could get his coat and shirt up. I then proceeded to massage on his warm skin. Ohhhhh! He felt nice! I really enjoyed having my hands on his bare skin. I rubbed up his back and then settled my hands at his lower stomach. Ohhhhh! Soft warm flesh ohhhhhh! To my utmost displeasure the 3rd movie ended and I had to remove my hands from his glorious body.

When he got up off my leg  he asked, "You didn't wet my pants, did you?" I told him "No, I've got too many layers of clothing on." He said, "That's funny."

I was disappointed to see him leave but I did manage to get his so-called number during the 2nd movie.

He has big brown eyes and is beautifully made. He was the only cute  one of the group. I was disappointed that he liked Jess more than me but during that skin-to-skin massage, I could tell I was affecting him. He would look side ways towards me, but he can't look straight at me when he's sitting on my lap, and I would be moving my  hands along his back and he would close his eyes if only for a moment and I could see he was liking it. It made me feel good to make him feel good. We've tried his # but it says its disconnected. I gave him my number but I don't know if he'll call. I hope he does. May be I can convince him he wants me. I really wanted to be kissed last night but it didn't happen! I hope we meet them again and Rich really doesn't have a girlfriend.

Grownup Ann says,

Amazing how his pectus excavatum was just a side note to "bare skin". He never called me and I never saw him again.

July 13, 1997 • Part I • Man Hunting

For my 16th birthday, my friends and I went to the drive-in. We went to see a triple feature: Speed 2, Volcano, The Crucible.

We got there and we went man hunting. After circling them a few times and them circling us - we broke the ice and met Rich, Brian, and Wayne. Sara claimed Wayne. T claimed Brian. Jess and I claimed Rich, though he was more interested in Jess. Ella didn't get anyone.

We sat "with" them for the 1st movie at their car. T on Brian's lap, Sara on Wayne's lap, and I sat next to Rich's chair. Jess and Ella were talking together. At the end of the 1st movie, Jess had moved to the other side of me and I was wearing Rich's hat. T was wearing Brian's and Sara was wearing Wayne's.

For the second movie we moved in front of my mom's van and the seating was the same except Rich sat on the ground with Jess on one side and me on the other. That movie ended and he stayed for the 3rd one.

I stole one of the chairs because Rich was showing an interest in Jess. (At the beginning of the 2nd movie I was sitting in a stolen chair and Rich sat on my knee. You wouldn't believe how erotic that feels.)

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He continues to talk and kiss Jess
so I tell myself I'm content with [rubbing] his back.

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Seeing me in the chair, he comes over and sits on my knee again and Jess sits at our feet. This whole time Sara and T are messing around with Wayne and Brian. Rich talks with Jess and I'm left out so I begin to rub Rich's back, just a hand at the shoulder blade, through his wind jacket. He continues to talk and kiss Jess so I tell myself I'm content with his back. I begin to give him a back massage and then traveled over his stomach and chest through his windbreaker. Wayne then proceeded to tell me, "You rub loud." If you think about it, that could sound very interesting. This back massage lasted quite a while (3 hours).

To be continued...

Grownup Ann says,

I was content with his BACK while he is sitting on my knee kissing another girl!? Foreshadowing of adulthood...

1997 undated entry • Dreaming of Cocktail Dresses

Dream I had

I was on a trip and my sister was with me and Dad had signed us up and paid for us to buy gowns at a store for that night's dinner.

We went in after finding my name on the list and I was wearing an old jacket and funky black velvet shoes. I began to look through the whole store seeing the cocktail dresses but bypassing them to see if there were more.

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"...low and behold there was a huge rack of cocktail and ballroom gowns."

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A male clerk saw me and obviously didn't think I should be buying from his store but he didn't say anything.

I walked around and around and I couldn't seem to find the cocktail dresses again. They seemed to have disappeared.

Another female clerk that was working there let me into the back and low and behold there was a huge rack of cocktail and ballroom gowns.

Thanking her, I watched her leave in one of the gowns I was going to choose, because she was having dinner with us. I climbed up a step ladder and looked through all the dresses and found lots that looked good and then I woke up.

Grownup Ann says,

Anyone else getting "Pretty Woman" vibes from this dream?